I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
