You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
