Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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