He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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