you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
