This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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