remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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