His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
