Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
