I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
