Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
