I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
