Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
