The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
