if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
