well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
