Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
