Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
