apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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