I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
