Old men and throwing up are my life now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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