If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
