it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just crazy horny about you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
