what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
