none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
