How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
