i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize