dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
