11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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