i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
