Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
