I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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