Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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