im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
