I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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