In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
