you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
