I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
