Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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