I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
