so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How does one acquire holy water?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
