i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
