in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
