The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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