laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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