There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
