dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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