We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
