he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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