i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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