wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
