i came on her dog
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
