whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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