Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
