Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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