I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You are a genius and a whore.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
