five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
