Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
