Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Panties = found
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
