I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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