lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
