Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize