mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
