what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
