watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
