I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
