now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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