that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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