I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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